This fascinating podcast explains the whole story below the surface of our family’s vicious estate dispute and the reasons for the siblings horrible behavior. The helpful notes I have taken while listening will be a comfort to reflect upon.

I can’t forget Albert Einstein’s quote that you mentioned about the world being a dangerous place but not because of the evil people in it… but because of the people in the world who do nothing about them. (!)

Thank you Jari!

You say that your sister has always been miserable about her past choices. If she’s capable of feeling misery, there will just be misery upon misery and no amount of money can buy her out of it or shield her from it. Only goodness, sacrifice for others, doing the right thing can lift the heavy sentence she’s already got on her life.

Listen, there’s no getting out of anything. Who will inherit the real meaning of your sister’s actions — not the money, the meaning? I reckon she will, as in: lost, alone, dissociated, miserable.

You can use this for your own spiritual development by being very clear about what is most important, your own strength in not being sucked into the darkness of another’s moral blindness and callousness.

My sister has always been miserable about the bad choices she had made in her past…which she has begrudgingly lived with ever since. Anyone who is within “arms reach” that exhibits they are happier than her, she has to attempt to destroy without conscience. Some next-door neighbors have moved away from her for this reason. One couple never bothered to unpack…just resold their house immediately within the same month! Imagine?

We delude ourselves into believing our justice system is sophisticated yet it can be manipulated by a high school drop out. I wonder why there aren’t any sexy TV cop shows portraying this? What has happened is the classic case of the tail wagging the dog.

Everyone reading should be made aware of how common this is and how (legally) complicated it becomes to unravel after your parents are gone.

You are very right Jari…at least when I walk away from all this my virtue will still be intact…its who I am. What bothers me is how we were all so easily victimized by a smirking liar…with no recourse.

It’s not important to arrive at a diagnosis to know when someone is not being fair. Whether or not it’s a case of impaired capacity, people often act without loving care for others.

This is clearly a hurtful and upsetting situation, especially since your sister was given Power of Attorney for the estate. Sounds to me like the lawyers will have to fight it out. There was a will, no?

This type of scenario, unfortunately, is not rare.

Thanks for sharing and try to take it easy. Don’t let anyone else’s vices disrupt your own virtue. Just do the right thing each step of the way and stick to facts. Best wishes ~

It’s not important to arrive at a diagnosis to know when someone is not being fair. Whether or not it’s a case of impaired capacity, people often act without loving care of others.

This is clearly a hurtful and upsetting situation, especially since your sister was given Power of Attorney for the estate. Sounds to me like the lawyers will have to fight it out. There was a will, no?

This type of scenario, unfortunately, is not rare.

Thanks for sharing and try to take it easy. Don’t let anyone else’s vices disrupt your own virtue. Just do the right thing each step of the way and stick to facts. Best wishes ~

It’s not important to arrive at a diagnosis to know when someone is not being fair. Whether or not it’s a case of impaired capacity, people often act without loving care of others.

This is clearly a hurtful and upsetting situation, especially since your sister was given Power of Attorney for the estate. Sounds to me like the lawyers will have to fight it out. There was a will, no?

This type of scenario, unfortunately, is not rare.

Thanks for sharing and try to take it easy. Don’t let anyone else’s vices disrupt your own virtue. Just do the right thing each step of the way and stick to facts. Best wishes ~

She has only ever given my parents grief… ALWAYS complaining about “how hard-done to” she has been in life (ABSOLUTELY WRONG!) In the “final-quarter-mile” of my mother’s life she was cunning enough to trick our sick mum into handing all the other siblings inheritance over to her…to act as Power of Attorney for the estate! She has never worked a day in her life and even dropped out of high school at seventeen. She doesn’t know the value of a hard earned dollar and is considered the most irresponsible of all of the siblings! She has been arrogant and domineering throughout. She brazenly confabulates the real truth to my family’s astonishment. The estate has almost disappeared with lawyers fees and court costs! (this also because she is stubbornly unreasonable and a drama queen). She seems to become energized by any type of conflict or if her will is crossed!

The lawyers are just operating a business and so like any good customer they roll out the red carpet for her…which her ego seems to appreciate more than anything else.

Is this typical behavior and to be expected from a sociopath? Are we the trustees ultimately doomed? She has too much trust, control and power based on how she has demonstrated her obvious inabilities in the past.

One of the brilliant things about capitalism is that it provides a mechanism to turn base self-interest of narcissists and sociopaths into a common good which makes “heroes” more of an antagonist to the whole system.

I myself have become rather good at defending myself and others from attempts at manipulations against their own self-interest and intimidation employed by these types of people. My wife on the other hand takes an alternate tact of not calling these people out for what they are, but playing their games, which has put her in a position where she’s able to right more wrongs than if she hadn’t.

If “heroes” could be united as a political force it would be possible to nudge the capitalist system in a direction where sociopaths and narcissists are more focused on using their abilities towards value-creation –benefiting everyone, rather than potentially destructive value-capture which we’ve seen led to the recent financial meltdown.

I should say clearly that I am not a trained mental health counselor. Whatever I say, the shaping of the program, my line of questions, all come from my heart and mind as a lay person and truth seeker, one who has learned about these things through study and asking questions of experts who would talk with me.

Big question: could you disengage completely for some time from your mother and sister? Could you seek more wholesome and therapeutic relationships and helpers in the raising of your child? Can you explore a spiritual practice that can help you rebuild your own emotional health and sense of autonomy?

Once you are whole and strong, the entire context changes and the impact of the family becomes less prominent in your sense of who you are and what life is all about.

You may be in your 50s, but it’s not too late, so don’t give into such tendencies of thinking. You’ll need catharsis (emotional expression) with therapeutic support and also the building of spiritual fortitude.

Your own gradual healing will be so good for your child. As I see it, you need to remove yourself from the toxic environment — seeing and speaking with them — at least until you are strong and independent, which may take some years.

I also offer you this poem by Mary Oliver, from her book Dream Work.

THE JOURNEY

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, thought the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice – though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. “Mend my life!” each voice cried. But you didn’t stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations – though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice, which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save.