February
2008
Chop Sui Generis
Our fingerprints and faces tell us we are each “sui generis,” (one-of-a-kind), although most of us were raised to conform to, and fit into, a social structure, rather than being encouraged to discover and display our distinctive gifts.
I often wonder about and imagine what a world of people brought up to shine as one-of-a-kind, creative expressions of humanity would be like. Each child would be approached with utter curiosity and a reverence for the unforeseen gifts they might bring to the family and society, their sui generis idiosyncracies nurtured by parents, teachers, leaders and the culture at large.
Would that sort of approach help to bring about whole and fulfilled people, people who felt unashamed, welcomed and appreciated as they truly are?
Most kids have jumping-for-joy natures, abounding life energies and strong emotions. Their unusual thoughts and insights, their self-love, love of pleasure, and love of life are considered, at best, adorable in the cute way, rather than the truly worthy-of-adoration way. They are asked, in so many ways, to conform to what’s expected of them, to apply themselves to finding their place (a.s.a.p.!) in the existing models, roles and structures.
How confusing to be asked to thwart one’s natural love of life to better plug into a system that is stressful, unhealthy and inhumane. Young people, whose heart-intelligence and innate compassion are still very much in tact, are one day treated to a movie about how sweet and wonderful penguins are and the next day informed of the destruction of the penguin habitat due to human profligacy.
When children object to such confusion, their sui generis assertion is often attacked or undermined. I recently witnessed a young boy of about seven with his mother in front of a fish counter at Whole Foods. I saw him looking up at her and overheard her say, dismissively, not willing to look back down to meet his eyes, “There are plenty of fish in the sea, Johnny; it’s perfectly fine for us to eat them.”
The point is not the fish here, the point is this boy’s heart and how his mother responded to his heart’s cry. And we wonder how the steep rise of childhood mental health disorders, and all the consequences associated with them, could be happening in such a wonderful place as the suburbs of the United States.
The erroneously attributed Chinese dish named Chop Suey is a bland, overcooked, and unpalatable dish of cheap and canned vegetables and water chestnuts held together with corn starch, invented in America and passed off as Chinese.
America turns its children into Chop Sui and the worry of America’s next generation is supposed to be that the Chinese will take it all away from us, this glorious way of life, this American Dream!
Yesterday, I watched the better part of a video conference dialogue between a large group of 9th graders at Arapahoe High School in Colorado and author Dan Pink (whom I interviewed on Feb 19th–see below). The kids had prepared questions and were given the chance to talk about the future with a bestselling author, speaking with them about the future from his home office, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt. One of the students asked: what do you think it would take for school to be like this all the time?
In considering Dan Pink’s Six Senses from his book, A Whole New Mind: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play, and Meaning, I believe Empathy is the most important one to develop. The ability to feel what another is feeling, to meet other people where they live, so to speak–just imagine what a world this would be if empathy were an aptitude highly developed and prized in society at large!
Imagine how that value of tenderness and care would change the nature of the other senses and of the products and services that drive our economy. Just what are we putting ourselves in service to? What games are we playing? How are we making and interpreting meaning? How are we putting it all together? What’s the narrative about? What are we designing, and for what purposes? All our activity would be in service to a healthier way of life, in the presence of pervasive and abiding empathy. And, I would add, that true empathy is what makes it possible for the sui generis nature of each face, each individual living thing, to shine and be held dear.
Here’s the link to view that video conference, set up by educator Karl Fisch.
©Jari Chevalier, 2008
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Jari- I continue to love your writing and expression of ideas. Peace-Abby
If a person can’t find empathy, would respect do?
Respect is certainly preferable to disrespect and disdain. Respect also has more of a genuine quality to it than mere tolerance. But whether we’re talking about parent-child/family relationships, work-place relationships, or community relationships, people can sense the differences among respect, tolerance, hatred and real empathy. We all read each other pretty well on an energetic level, because our facial expressions, tone of voice, eye movements and body language say things about who we are and what we’re feeling or not feeling, which other people subliminally pick up. Without thinking about it, they “grok” where we’re coming from. Empathy is the ideal. Empathy makes all the difference in the world: hearts open, tears flow, amends are made, a new spirit enters. If a person can’t find empathy, that person has been badly injured and stunted in their basic human development, and I understand this accounts for vast numbers of people. And the ones who need to work on this in themselves the most are the ones most resistant. What are ya gonna do?